I’ve stated many blogs in my time but I’ve never really gone through with continuing them, I guess life getting the way or the content not being the best, I never really had a real topic to be blogging about.
This time is different though. This time we are coming into 2018 and the other night I had an epiphany.
But before I get into all that, I think a little bit of history about myself.
I have always been big boned, I have that big boned Islander blood in me being half Maori.
I piled on the weight though when I started working at McDonalds in the UK at 15. Back then and in our store we could pretty much eat as much and as often as we wanted, I put on a lot of weight over those 2 odd years and I have never really been able to get rid of it.
I tried diets, fat blasters, numerous gym memberships – I’ve lost weight, found it again and lost some more. But my heat has never really been in on it, until now.
And now we are back in the present.
Unable to sleep at 3am in the morning I was looking through Instagram and found Plus Size models and Plus Size glamour models. They were stunning, beautiful and confident in who they were and the size they are.
I want to be like them, I want their confidence to wear the clothes that I want to wear but been to scared to. I want to cosplay the characters that I want to without worrying that people will call me fat and laugh at me (a story for another post).
I’ve never looked after myself. Not really. My idea of wearing make up was throwing some liquid foundation on, some powder, some eye liner and mascara. I might add a bit of blush. But I have no idea about contouring, shimmering or real brow maintenance.
I have beautiful curly hair (again thanks to my Maori heritage) that I plonk on top of my head in a high bun, nine times out of ten mornings I don’t even do that until I’m walking from the car to the station. It’s not a great look.
Because I just didn’t care.
I’m sick of not caring.
I’m sick of always feeling tired.
I’m sick of the person I’ve become.
It’s time for a change.